Caregiving is an enormous job, and you do need breaks. See below for some local (Rochester, New York area) resources for respite care. Your hesitancy to place your wife in a nursing home is understandable, but do be aware that not all nursing homes are the same. You might want to arrange some tours so you can get a feel for different places in case of an unforeseen event in the future, like a need for rehab. Knowing your options is always preferable to finding yourself in an emergency situation and making decisions at a stressful time.
Keep in mind that some of the potential respite providers you find at the links below may have minimum and/or maximum stay requirements and other criteria for respite services, so be sure to ask:
TheElderPages.com is a source of local support services available through the Greater Rochester Area Partnership for the Elderly. They have lists of respite care providers, both facility-based and home-based.
The Alzheimer’s Association is also a resource for available services. They are sometimes able to provide some limited respite hours as well. They are also a good source for local support groups.
They have a 24/7 Helpline: 1-800-272-3900
Lifespan is a great agency for information on local services, advocacy for older adults, information workshops and classes.
Good luck and I hope you get a well-deserved rest!