I took 24/7 care of my husband until he passed in April. He was a gentle man clean until the end. He told me that he loved me about two weeks before he died. He had only one word answers after that. Is it normal for a dementia person not to have any expression of face? I never knew if I was giving him the kind of care he wanted. I did everything, and he did not complain. He was never in pain. He just quietly slipped away. I just worry with the question, “Did I do enough?” “Was I doing it correctly?” “Did he know that I loved him dearly?” I had hospice in four days a week and we/I kept him clean, dry, warm, well fed, etc. He was just such an appreciative husband for over 53 years. – Bev S.

Your note really touched me. It sounds like you had a wonderful marriage. It isn’t unusual for a person with dementia to have a rather flat expression. If they can’t articulate their feelings, it makes it that much harder when you can’t look to their faces for clues. But, in my opinion, we don’t need any clues in this case, because this isn’t a mystery. Your husband told you how he felt. And that was quite a thing to be able to do so shortly before his death. People with dementia tell the truth. And if he was very unhappy with how you did things, he would have let you know, somehow.  It was a big responsibility that you had, and I understand your having some lingering concerns about how you handled it. But I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Looking from the outside in, it seems like you did everything right. You were able to give him everything he needed, and he died a peaceful death. I’m sure he felt how much you loved him during every bit of that. To me it seems like the perfect outcome of a 53-year marriage. Well done.