I’m sorry–this is a tough situation you’re in. I’m sure your mom and grandmother appreciate your help, but at this stage in your life you have other responsibilities, and need other experiences, as well. Caring for someone with dementia is a big job–even with two people sharing it. I would encourage you to seek some more resources. Lifespan is a local organization that can help provide information, referrals, and individual guidance to help you navigate through the caregiving process. Support groups are also available through the Rochester and Finger Lakes Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. Caregiving can be a stressful situation in a family. It’s natural for some tension between you and your mom. Getting some help from outside sources (and any other family/neighbor/church support you might be able to tap), can give you a breather to take off some pressure and make the time you spend with them more pleasant. When you look back at this time in the future, you want some of the memories to be dear, not just painful. Best of luck to you, and know that what you are doing is valuable and commendable.
Care Coordination & Planning — Lifespan (lifespan-roch.org)