My husband is in a really good memory care, but he always says he wants to stop by our house. Everyone says this is a really bad idea and creates a mess. Now he’s angry and calling me to say that I want him to die in memory care. Any suggestions?

“Everyone” isn’t always right. You know your husband better than anyone. Do you think it will “create a mess”? A visit home can go badly, no doubt. But for some people it’s going to be okay. I would consider several factors. Do you take him out to go to other places? Is it difficult to get him to return? Does he focus on “getting out of here and going home” a lot, or is he able to understand that this would be a visit? If going to the house seems risky, follow your instincts, and hold your ground. Does he go on outings with his memory care staff? Tagging along on a trip with them, or meeting them someplace they visit, might be a better choice for you. Circumstances change with dementia, and the idea can be re-evaluated later. If you do decide to try a trip to your house, make a careful plan as to when and for how long, and enlist the support of other family and friends.

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